


Zombie Apocalypse: BAU Edition

by Dazeventura6



Series: Bite Me [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Zombie Apocalypse, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 10:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14134401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dazeventura6/pseuds/Dazeventura6
Summary: How Spencer averted the apocalypse.





	Zombie Apocalypse: BAU Edition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Susspencer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susspencer/gifts).



> This is just a cracky little one-shot based on a post I saw on Facebook.
> 
> For Susspencer who had a bad day. Hope this helps.

The team had been on a case in Iowa when the zombie apocalypse hit. They had had no warning. One minute they were trying to figure out what happened to the bodies that went missing from the morgue and the next they were fighting off zombies. The team had separated to check out the crime scenes as usual so they had no idea what had happened to their teammates. Hotch and Reid had ended up being barricaded in the station together with the rest of the sheriff’s department until the zombies attacked and they were forced to flee.

They were almost out of ammo and the car was running out of fuel and they were still being chased by zombies. Finally, the tank ran dry and they were forced to make it on foot deep within the state forest. They found an abandoned cabin and barricaded the doors and windows and tried to settle in hoping that the zombies wouldn’t find them.

There was a crash at the back door and Hotch went to investigate. Meanwhile, the front door was kicked in and in walked Spencer’s worst nightmare, zombie Morgan. The young genius couldn’t bring himself to use his last bullet to shoot the man who had been his best friend, so as Derek shambled nearer he panicked and bit him.

Morgan screamed and fell to the ground writhing in pain as Hotch came charging in hearing the commotion.

“What did you do Spencer?” He asked.

“I um…bit him?” Spencer said, querulously his voice rising on the last word.

Hotch stared at him in shock, “You did WHAT?” He asked again.

“I bit him,” Spencer said, quietly as they watched Derek change and become human again.

Hotch stood there gaping at the two men, as Morgan sat up rubbing his head and looked up at them.

“How did you know that would work?” He asked wonderingly.

“I um… didn’t. I panicked.” Spencer said sheepishly.

“Oh, well glad it worked,” Derek answered.

Just then he felt a hand on his shoulder.  He turned quickly, reacting on instinct to take down the owner of the hand and discovers it is zombie Rossi.

Spencer yells.   "Bite him." and Derek does, spitting in disgust even as Rossi crumples with a cry.

Soon they are biting all the zombies that attack them and curing people. They manage to find the rest of the team and cure them as well. Word of the cure spreads and the apocalypse is averted.

When they get back to DC, they get into the office to find a single zombie waiting for them, zombie Strauss.

Nobody wants to bite her, but as Aaron says they’ll pay for it later if they don’t, so they draw straws.

Derek, unfortunately, drew the short straw and was forced to bite Strauss. As she screamed and fell down he spat repeatedly on the ground,  muttering and grumbling.

“I am  **_never_ ** gonna get that taste out of my mouth. There ain’t enough mouthwash in the WORLD!!”

The team burst out laughing as they helped a distraught Strauss to her feet.

As they made their way down to the parking lot to go home Spencer turned to Hotch and said.

“I guess I still do some of my best work under intense terror.”

Hotch burst out laughing.

**The End.**

 


End file.
